INDIAN NAME: Runs-with-Scissors

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Stealing Souls

It's been a long time.  I've been extraordinarily busy for the past few months.  Today, I must make the following comment.


The recent and tragic suicide of Tyler Clementi has set me off.  Tyler was the Rutger University freshman whose roommate, Dharun Ravi and another freshman, Molly Wei, actually broadcast live on the internet, Tyler having sex with another man.  Tyler, once recognizing the far-reaching ramifications, apparently decided his only remedy was to jump off the George Washington Bridge.

As this story has unfolded over the past week since Tyler took his own life, the conversations, and actual arguments have mounted over this issue.

There's the "he-was-having-gay-sex-in-a-room-he-shared-with-a-straight-guy" crowd.  Then there's the "make-them-pay-for-bullying-him" group.  There's the "his-parents-didn't-teach-him-to-handle-bullying-very-well" supporters.  There's also the "really-it-was-just-a-joke-it-would-have-been-the-same-if-he-was-straight" explainers. Then there's the all-popular "blame-it-on-the-internet" crowd, which is predominantly oldsters, if you will.

There is but one explanation - certainly no excuse - to this tragedy.

Boundaries.

There's people making excuses and it's just pathetic.  You and I - and certainly Tyler too - have a reasonable expectation of privacy.  Didn't matter it was in a room he shared with a roommate - the roommate would have at some point been doing the same thing and you know it.  Aside from privacy, we all have a reasonable expectation to be treated decently.

Just because we have the ability to photograph and videotape EVERYTHING, doesn't mean we should.  Just because we CAN broadcast virtually anything, doesn't mean we should.  I mean, really, you can.  But, should you?

It's the Golden Rule.  Or, based on how you state it, the Silver Rule.
Golden Rule:  Treat others the way you want to be treated.  Positive statement, active voice.
Silver Rule: Never do to others that you don't want done to you. Negative statement, passive voice.

The Silver Rule specifically helps to establish boundaries.  If you asked a kid about it today, they'd look at you sideways.  Most of their parents haven't managed to instill this in their children.  If you watch the news any ol' day, you'll see most parents haven't yet grasped the concept for themselves, let alone thought to teach it to their children.  God help us, politicians are miles away from this.  Most religious leaders are no where near this.  What the hell happened?

It's not about the internet.  The internet is a "thing", sort of.  It's not like you can put your hands on it, but it's still not human, it doesn't itself, think.  If it can't think, then it also can't form intent and therefore can't be at fault.  It's merely the instrument chosen in this particular situation to multiply the effects intended by the perpetrators.

I heard a high school friend of Dharun Ravi this morning.  He said something to the effect of, 'it didn't matter that his roommate was gay, if he was having straight sex he would have done it too."  Okay. So he's not a bigoted asshole.  Just a run-of-the-mill asshole.  That's helpful.  And yet, the kid making this comment, still didn't get it - he said it in a manner that made you think everyone did this regularly.

What would EVER make it okay to take a picture or video ANYONE during any encounter, sexual or not?  As a photographer, in order to publish any photos I use, for liability reasons, I need to have a signed release - and these people aren't having sex when I'm taking their pictures!

One comment I heard was, "it's collective behavior".  Dharun dared his Twitter followers to live-chat him..." (That's how he put the whole mess out for broadcast).  I challenge that excuse.  In fact, I'll use it to further the fact that Dharun knew that he was crossing boundaries with his "prank".  "Don't make me do it", if you will.  How about, oh, I don't know....DON'T DO IT.  PERIOD. 

Since the advent of modern photography in the mid-19th century, some Native Americans and Amish, as well as others, have shied away from being photographed.  Different reasons for this, such as the belief that it would steal their souls (same with portrait painting as well), to breaking the Second Commandment with concern to "graven images".  Much of this has been debunked to some extent over the years, but I'm thinking, they were all on to something. Tyler's soul sure got stolen.

I think they *knew* what was coming.  The Jeannie won't be going back into the bottle on that one.  Photos and video, and even live broadcast is all here, to stay, and right at our fingertips.

Problem is, no one should have an express right to another's image.  There's "casual use" that makes total sense.  You know, the two-year old's birthday party.  Traditionally, those photos would have stayed on the fridge under magnet, in a photo album or in a shoe box.  Today, those pics are uploaded to online albums that virtually anyone can access.  Is that right?  Is that A RIGHT?

It seems that this is an overwhelming issue, and it's not.  It's extremely simple.  Whether it be passive bullying by broadcasting a sex act over the internet or active bullying by beating up a kid different from you - it's about one simple thing.

Boundaries.

Good Choices!